In difficult times I guess bloggers make a decision about whether they're going to share their angst publically via their blog, or just go quiet for a bit. I'm plumping for the latter. I'm going through a big and incredibly sad break-up, and moving house again. So I think I'll keep blogging - I need my tarot journal now as much as ever! - but I'll be saving the posts as drafts with a view to publishing them at some point in the future when if feels okay to do so.

See you on the other side xxx

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

So, this isn't so much of a blog post as a tiny bit of publicity for TABI's £1000 bursary award for a 2012 tarot project...please spread the word!

TABI Bursary

Terms and Conditions

TABI (Tarot Association of the British Isles) is creating a bursary of up to £1,000 for a Tarot-orientated project anywhere in the world. We welcome applications from the world-wide Tarot community and provide the following guidelines and conditions:

1 Applicants need not be members of TABI – however, the successful applicant
will be awarded TABI membership for the duration of the project.

2 Applicants must submit information/documentation to support application in
the form of word documents, image and/or sound files. All correspondece to
be via e-mail - no original work to be sent by post.

3 Amount of Bursary will be a maximum of £1,000 (applications for smaller
increments also invited).

4 Projects currently scheduled for publication by publishing house will not be
eligible.

Conditions

• The funding offered must only be used for the purposes specified in application.
• The successful applicant will be notified by 25 July 2012.
• TABI must be acknowledged on all publicity, press and marketing material produced in connection with the project. Our logo will be supplied.
• Successful applicants will be awarded membership of TABI for duration of project and will agree to post regular updates on progress (frequency of updates to be agreed between parties)
• All bursary monies can be withheld at the discretion of the Bursary Panel.
• Closing date for applicants for Bursary will be 1 May 2012.
• Any suitable projects received after the closing date will be held over for consideration in the following year's bursary - should it run.

Criteria

That the proposal/request for the bursary should indicate effective -

• Research
• Planning
• Budgeting
• Clear Aims and Objectives
• Clearly stated experience/ability of applicant (CV/biography outlining relevant skills etc.) For example: You need not be an established Tarot author to apply for a bursary towards writing a Tarot book, but you should be able to show evidence/experience of previously published writing.
• Statement of desired result

For more information, visit TABI here

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

Ain't it always the way. Last week I had about ten million possible blog posts swimming around in my head and not a second to write them. And tonight, it's finally chill-time, and my brain's gone to sleep.

I know, I'll use a spread I sort-of came up with recently. I say sort of because it's a direct rip-off of the 'getting to know you' spread that I found *somewhere, once* and use for meeting and greeting new decks. So this one's about you/me as a reader and your/my special skills. It goes like this:   

1. About you in general: what is your most important characteristic?
2. What strengths do you already have as a reader?
3. What limits do you feel as a reader?
4. What key lesson can you learn on your developmental journey?
5. How can you be open to learning and developing on this journey?
6. What is the potential outcome of this journey?

Quick plug - this spread appeared in the Feb edition of Tracker, the monthly tarot zine produced by TABI. It's lovely. You can subscribe here.

I'm gonna use Charissa Drengsen's Steampunk Tarot again because I'm just having a moment with it right now, and because I find it so neat and snappy and in brain-dead times that's kinda what one requires doesn't one.

Riiight then let's get down to business. I'm drawing the cards one at a time...as in draw card no.1, write about it. Draw no.2, write about it. Etc.

1. What is my most important characteristic?

Well! Since you ask, it's The World. Get me! Does this mean I've found my niche? Although very much a learner (aren't we all), I'm hoping this suggests that I've a well-rounded understanding of tarot's place in my life...or perhaps, since this position is more about me myself, rather than tarot reading, that I'm just feeling secure about who I am. I love the imagery on this card - the three women on there all actually look like friends of mine (or at least resemble them in their posture - I'm thinking of YOU lady leaning back in chair in underwear with top hat and fizzy wine ;), plus there's tattoos and globes and lovely things like this. I'm getting a feeling of mish-mashed happiness...a sense of satisfaction and confidence. Good start Charissa, keep 'em coming...

2. What are my strengths as a reader?

Nine of Cups. Biddy blogged about this card this morning, reminding me of its qualities as 'the wish card'. As a reader, perhaps I won't be able to solve everyone's problems or make them feel amazing, but hopefully I'll be able to offer encouragement and help people to feel good. And judging by this image, I'll be wearing a pretty hot costume t'boot. So what else is new?

3. What are my limits as a reader?

Heirophant. Ooh bloody hell. That's not what I wanted to see. A little bit of 'I know best' perhaps? Note to self: when I feel a touch of this geeza coming into my readings, give myself a pinch. To my mind receiving a tarot reading just ain't about someone telling you what's what. Helpful guidance, maybe, but The Heirophant can sometimes take this further, instilling his own laws and ideals into the next generation. Not appropriate! And I do recognise the personal quality this is referring to. Hmph.

4. What key lesson can you learn on this journey?

The Hermit speaks for himself.

5. How can I be open to learning and developing on this journey?

Oh wow - the Five of Wands! I do find this card amusing I must say. Two guys battling it out to impress three women who look, to say the least, not particularly bothered. Still, a little tussling, a little bit of fighting (perhaps with myself), as I try to push my status as a reader that little bit higher. I guess there's something here about not being afraid to stick my neck out and speak my mind, even if it's gonna cause a little conflict. I just don't expect anyone to fall madly in love with me over it...

6. What is the potential outcome of this journey?

Aw, yay. My favourite. The Queen of Swords. Older, wiser. Sadder perhaps, but with a sharpened sense of humour and a keener sense of judgement. Or are those my querents?

Great stuff - thanks guys!

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

I recently carried out a career-related reading, for which I designed a new spread based on the SWOT analysis. I thought I'd share it here.

If you're not familiar with SWOT, it's a very simple method of analysing the strenths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats within a situation or organisation. Strengths and weaknesses come from within, opportunities and threats are external.

Building on this model, I decided it would be useful to not only be able to see the SWO & Ts, but also an action corresponding to each one - a way to avoid harm or make the best of a strength. Here's the spread:

1.    A source of strength within your situation
2.    An action you can take to build on this
3.    A source of weakness within your situation
4.    An action you can take to improve this
5.    Opportunities available to you
6.    How you can approach these
7.    Something which threatens your situation
8.    A way to deal with this threat

As well as the usual information you can gather from the reading, you end up with your odd numbers describing your situation, SWOT-stylee, plus an action plan comprised of your even numbers. Bingo!

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

Daily draw - 6th February 2012

I find The Chariot such a powerful card, particularly looking at images such as the one below by Stephanie Law.  The winged charioteer stands masterfully in her carriage, looking incredibly self-assured as she charges onwards. She is not holding the reins, yet it is clear that she is driving the chariot and controlling the unicorns by some special force - the force of her own will. 

It's all about direction and focus and confidence. The image of someone driving themselves onwards - that act of setting a goal and then going at it full-pelt - is a great one. It's an energy we could all do with at times, but how can we achieve the strength of the charioteer?

Control is one of the words I most strongly associate with The Chariot. It's divisive - within myself - I have a turbulent reaction when I see it. It is about control to the point where we can't experience our true selves? Or keeping a necessarily tight rein on things in order to get where we want? A bit of both, I think. It's often the case that if we want to move forward, we need to rein in our emotions, imaginations, desires etc, and keep them under control - learning the discipline of doing this is a helpful expercise and this is where I really like to see The Chariot.

However I often get the sense in a reading that this card is showing me not so much 'checked' as denied energies. Coming back to Law's painting, above, the unicorns look back towards their mistress as if needing acknowledgement - however she refuses to see them and simply stares straight ahead, focused 100% on her goal.

If the unicorns represent figments of our imagination, and they are the very things that are pulling the chariot, surely they will need acknowledgement and nurturing? If they represent feelings, whether they be positive or negative, can it really be a good idea to let them pull us towards a goal without examining them closely? In fact, rather than keeping those unicorns under a leash, this charioteer has actually let go of the reins - I wonder if she has become a little too confident and might be destined for a crash...

In many images, the charioteer is a mistress of balance, the black and white horses (or other creatures) she drives representing the neccessity to keep opposing forces under equal control, never allowing one to dominate. Very hard work, I would imagine!

Whilst I'm blown away by the power of this card's imagery, I feel that it comes with a warning. It says 'all power to you, and wow, what speed...but be careful. You know where you're going, but not what the road will be like.'

PS I just wanted to add this very different image from the Anna K Tarot. I love it's sense of optimism, when I see it I just want to cry 'wheeeeeee!' as I feel myself soaring off towards the sun. It's alltogether a humbler image of The Chariot, even the very vehicle looks less grandiose and (and yet there's that little warning voice in the back of the mind that remembers Icarus...)

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

Daily draw - 9th February 2012

Staying with Charissa Drengsen's Steampunk Tarot for another night, today I drew the intriguing Seven of Wands. I gazed at it in confusion for a while, wondering what message it was giving me, and how I could link its image with the ideas of defence, fighting, taking a stand that I tend to associate with other versions of this card.

When I opened the companion book, all became clear. This card is about being who you are, and being that proudly. The girl on the fence is not ashamed to show herself in her true colours, and it says more about those around her that they can't look her in the eye, but instead have to exclude her.

Drengsen writes "standing up for who you are, testing limits / stading apart from the crowd, daredevil / being challenged, gossip, going it alone" What a useful interpretation to add to my repertoire, and what a wonderful new way to view the Seven of Wands.

When we speak our minds, or dare to be our truest selves, it's often the case that we find out who our true friends are. It's so easy to blend into the crowd, to like what everyone else likes and think what everyone else thinks. As the 'young lefty' person in my small team at work, I often feel like I simply can't be bothered to argue my ideas as my colleagues say things I find personally find unpleasant, offensive and often plain wrong. Today was such a day. My workmate spent a portion of the morning trying to bait me, telling me tale after tale of benefit scroungers he knew, or had heard of, or had read about in the paper. They get pregnant so they don't have to look for work, he told me, they should have their homes taken off them and be put in a slum. My reaction (unusually, I must say) was to bury my head in my work and say nothing, but the Seven of Wands is encouraging me to go in tomorrow and fight fire with fire. It's like the opposite of that 'anything for an easy life' mentality, where you put yourself out there, fight for what you think is right, and deal with the conflict and gossipy back-turning that may well ensue.

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

It's always exciting times when a new deck of cards is acquired, isn't it? I'm not someone who has to buy/own every deck she fancies and actually I only have a few, but every so often, one catches my eye and my heart so completely that I get all click-click-pay and a short time later I'm shuffling away merrily.

Sexy, steamy, mish-mashed and very clever, Charissa Drengsen's Steampunk Tarot is right up my street. It first caught my eye when I saw the brilliant Ten of Cups on my friend Chloe's blog, Inner Whispers. It's circus of freaky friends and painted clowns, representing the family you choose, and they're there, waiting for you with the bubbly and the 'welcome home' banner, genuine, loving smiles on their faces. This is how I want the Ten of Cups to feel - this is completion, emotional support and security, the safety net of a bunch of really sound people you love the hell out of and who love you right back for who you are.

Anyway, back to the deck as a whole. If this is a deck review, which it pretty much isn't, I would add here that the cards are on the flimsy side and the colours aren't as vivid as on Charissa's gorgeous website. But they are beautiful, digitally collaged from a mixture of sepia and technicolour, leather and lace, and the pictures make me laugh, and nod.

So without further ado I did the ol' 'getting to know you' reading to find out what the Steampunk and I might have in store as we tackle life's great questions together...

Two women in long dresses take an evening walk in the woods. They have their parasols for protection, which is just as well, because there seem to be lots of umbrellas falling on them from the night sky! But lanterns glow all around, and very importantly, they have each other. Drengsen writes 'quiet strength' in the companion book - a lovely way to view the Nine of Wands. A quiet strength, a wisdom from experience, and a sense of being prepared for the next battle. Interesting! Next!

2. What are your strengths as a deck? Five of Wands

Oh my. The ability to jostle? The need to prove oneself? This card is really very funny, showing two guys in their best martial arts gear, bashing sticks, whilst three ladies laugh and observe, to my eyes not particularly bothered who's going to come out tops.

I'm reading this as an unashamed machoistic tendency - this is a deck that wants to show off and impress me. Will it be fighting my other decks for my attention and preference? Allrightythen!

3. What are your limits as a deck? The Eight of Wands

What can this mean? Here are hands holding aloft their parasols. It's all about 'swift communications' and 'fast action' according to Drengsen's book - being on fire, but with a strong sense of no turning back...I wonder if this deck has a tendency to shoot from the heart, impulsively, and without much thought. Feeling an idea burn inside and just...running with it.

Drengsen makes no mention of this card's traditional 'message' interpretation, and I must say I'm not getting any of this from the card itself. It's all movement and excitement and go go go... as a limiting factor, I'm guessing this is a quick-fire deck that may not be suitable for the long, ponderous readings. Well, there's definitely a place in my life for such a deck, so just bring it on :)

4. What are you here to teach me? Queen of Cups

Oh marvellous. The very queen of love and creativity, emotional awareness and generous spirits. She doesn't look like this on the Steampunk card, though, and I'm wondering if this particular queen is wanting to show me a more serious side of all that love and light. She's in Venice! A city built on water, but sinking fast. And she has a crow sitting upon her teapot! Perhaps a lesson or two in emotional boundaries or self-preservation - only insasfar as is necessary to be loving and creative, mind, but I'm definitely sensing a little (rather sexy) reserve here where other Queens of Cups have seemed uninhibited and almost wild.

5. How can I best learn and collaborate with you? King of Wands

Most, most interesting. Perhaps an answer to this deck's Five of Wands mentality, I feel like I'm being asked to reign things in a little, to take an authoritative role and direct that spunky energy where I want it to go, not where it wants to take me.

There's a sense of playful immaturity in this deck which I really like, and seeing this King of Wands here, I'm intrigued to feel that the deck is asking me to be the forceful one. It's so often the case that we hand ourselves over to the cards in a reading, nodding in wonder as they tell us what we need to know. Here, I'm sensing that a stronger hand is needed to get the best out of these cards.

6. What is the potential outcome of our working relationship? Nine of Cups

Yay! In Drengsen's book, this is all happiness, comfort and satisfaction. And who doesn't want a bit of that. It's not claiming to be the be-all and end-all of my emotional needs, and franky, no damn tarot deck ever could be. But the promise here is of fun times. I love the woman on this card with her green knickers, nipple decorations and welcome sign. 'Just a real good time', that's what's on offer here, and I for one am very happy with that.

So there we have it. A playful, cheeky deck with a good sense of humour and a lot to prove. I feel like a night in with this deck would be like hanging out with a girlfriend, a bottle of cheap fizz and some yummy cheesecake, setting the world to rights without taking ourselves too seriously. But let's not forget those royals - the Steampunk is the Queen of Cups to my King of Wands and the lesson is one of knowing when to go with the flow (and wake up with a hangover) and when to take control. We might have a fallout or two along the fizz-fuelled way, but I think we're going to get along just great :)

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

Daily draw - 5th February 2012

It's amazing how the soft, silent blanket of snow that covers the town and absorbs the white noise of normal life seems like it can suspend time - in my mind at least. It seems to create a special sub-time, where regular life gets put on hold and we all get to take a break so we can enjoy it, walk in it, touch it, gaze at it. Normal rules can't possibly apply, everything is weird and cold and quiet and magical and everyone is somehow connected by this strangeness.

Anyway, it got me a-thinking about the Six of Cups, which appeared as one of the stronger messages in a recent reading. The card of nostalgia and simpler times, I love how it can somemetimes be so kind and gentle, and then other times appear like a slap in the face. I mean, I'm all for a bit of nostalgia - if anyone wants to sit and talk about the good old days just seek me out, I love little more than digging out the photos and reminiscing about happier - or just different - times. Sometimes a reminder of our younger, more innocent selves is just what we need.

I've also had the Six of Cups come up once in a reading for someone who was involved in an acrimonious legal dispute - it came as a reminder to the querent to practice simple acts of kindness and not to let the bitterness of the courtroom corrupt her.

The most frequent interpretation I find in this card, though, is that of becoming stuck in the past. Like the boy - or rather man - in the Phantomwise card shown above, we outgrow the rabbit tea party. But do we leave? Or do we keep on hanging out there, with our too-small cups and kiddie teapot...not to mention the company? In the recent reading I mentioned, the querent said 'oh, but it does look so lovely there, doesn't it?', commenting on the Shadowscapes image below:

And it does, I think. Who wouldn't want to remain there? The Six of Cups is a sympathetic card - it shows us how pleasant it is to hang out in the past and does not judge us for wanting this. The girl on this card looks so completely like she is living in the present, surely there would be no need to interrupt her and her friends? But then you look a little closer and the fish are swimming above the water and those animal friends have ever such a glass-eyed stare, and I'm not sure I really know who that person in the background is, bringing the fresh tea... And reality suddenly hits: this really isn't right. And then I start to feel worried about the little girl. And then I realise that she's not a little girl at all and she could probably do with getting the hell outta there.

(Hmm. I may have slightly over-dramatised this card there! Apologies for that.)

As I lie in bed, I can hear the drip-drip-drip of snow melting from the roof.

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

Daily draw - 29th January 2012

To begin with - a poem. One of the benefits of belonging to TABI is that you get to meet all sorts of interesting people on the friendly forums (fora? Do we try to speak correct Latin these days or have seen sense and given up?)... a recent addition was Joanne. Being nosey I followed the links to her poetry blog and found this most recent entry. Read it aloud and it's even more wondeful.

Forgivenes

The longer I live,
the more I give.
The more I forgive,
the happier I live.

A longevity of giving;
a giving for-ness of living.
A love remembered;
a mistake forgotten.

Why loss in life?
Why will to live?
Why, this means
life is to forgive.

Loss is the deal.
Meditate on memory.
Fill in with love.
Nowhere else to be
when life is a flood.

Joanne Sprott, 2012

But if, as Joanne says, 'Loss is the deal' then we all must learn to forgive, if we are to get anywhere in life. To forgive others when they have harmed us, and even more importantly, to forgive ourselves.

I've cause harm to others in my life - well, who hasn't. I've spent years feeling a turbuence of emotions spanning bitterness at the pain my own mistakes have brought me, guilt and despair at the pain these mistakes have brought to others, anger at wrongs I have felt done against myself, fear that others would not forgive me, and frustration at my inability to forgive myself. Not exactly fun times.

At times like these, it's the Judgement card that we need. This is the card that offers us a chance to be judged fairly according to our 'sins'. It does not offer absolution - it is not a confession, at the end of which we can walk away with a spring in our step. It's what Joan Bunning calls an 'honest appraisal', a time to understand what we have done or what others have done and to see these things with a renewed perspective.

In its most simple form, Judgement is a humbling card. It reminds us that we are are human and that we all deserve a break. Everyone is capabale of mistakes, everyone is capable of breaking hearts and causing pain, of selfishness, of theft, of stupidity. No-one is perfect. If we are truly sorry for the mistakes we have made, and are ready to accept these mistakes and move beyond them as richer, wiser people, then Judgement is nothing to fear. Similarly, there comes a time when we must choose to forgive those who have caused us pain. It is an active choice, as Joanne Sprott says in her poem - to choose not to forgive is to choose not to live. Why loss in life? / Why will to live? / Why, this means / life is to forgive.

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

For some reason there's been a lot of doll-making around lately. (As in, around me - I've not noticed any global phenomenon or anything.)

Firstly came the little cat - a birthday present made from an old jumper. For the sake of this being a tarot blog, I'm calling her the Page of Swords - curious and inquisitive, enthusiastic to get discovering stuff:

...yet beneath her fancy dress, a heart full of pins, to be used for pain relief and displacement of hearthache, maybe when it's not totally practical to just let it all out publicly. I think she might be Strength - maintaining a calm control over her demons and her fears without denial, exuding dignity and compassion.

What I wasn't prepared for was the doll I'd receive in return. The Queen of Swords!! And what a queen she is. Those big, all-seeing eyes (not without a generous dose of craziness in them), regal shawl and glamourous dress, well-coiffed hair (well, maybe), pearly earrings and her giant silver sword, pointing straight up into the clear blue sky, a symbol of the wisdom she has gained through bitter experience.

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

Daily draw - 28th January 2012

Today's card is the Ace of Pentacles - the card of exciting new opportunities in the 'material' world. It could represent career opportunities, financial success, improving our health, domestic security or reconnecting with our physical surroundings. Or more simply, it could represent a sense of abundance in our lives.

As with all the Aces, it does not merely stand for these things in themselves, but an opportunity to reach these goals; a message to look out for them coming your way and to reach out and make them happen.

Having had a job interview yesterday, my mind is firmly fixed on the career side of this suit. I'm really really hoping that this is one of those super-appropriate tarot moments, and I've drawn just the right card for the place I'm in. I haven't heard back from the panel yet, and am trying very hard not to see this as a bad sign - after all, my interview was last thing on a Friday, and they may have others to see next week, and, and, and...

What I'm hoping is that this is a sign that my ambitions will become manifest. There's been a lot of complication around this job application - it was originally for supply ESOL teaching and wouldn't be enough hours to justify quitting my current job over. But in the interveiw they talked about wonderful sounding projects - teaching 'newly arrived wives' and groups of asylum seekers, and there being substantial quantities of regular work within this. I hope I got across to the panel in the interview just *how much* I wanted to do this, and that I'll be offered a project like this to run. They asked me if I would quit my job if I was offered this and the yes just tumbled out of my mouth.

On the other hand, my little Ace of Pentacles could be telling me to seek new opportunities elsewhere. I've been in a restless headspace lately, unable to settle on one particular 'work' goal, one moment feeling grateful for the part-time job I have, other times my mind flying off in all directions thinking about training to be a web designer, independent tarot publisher, life model, hotel proprietor and more.

I love Charissa Drengsen's take on the Ace of Pentacles, above, using a roulette wheel to represent a pentacle or coin. It looks to me as though in that first image, LiteraryBandit's godly hand is about to flip that coin, too. This indicates to me the element of risk involved when we stick our necks out and try to make changes to our working lives. Should I quit my job and explore life as a self-employed teacher? Set up my own company publishing tarot decks? muddle along doing bits of cooking, mending curtains, typing letters and so on? Stick in my current job and see where it takes me? All of these things carry risks and opportunities and in the grand scheme of things I don't feel like one option is better than another.  The Ace of Pentacles asks us to proceed with trust and to combine practical self-knowledge and street savvy with faith in the opportunities we otherise might miss. As with so much of the tarot, the message I'm taking from this card is to follow my gut instinct when opportunitites present themselves to me, to be aware of what it is that I want and to hold on to a sense of progression towards a goal, and ensure that I'm open to all the little helpers that line my path in life.

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

Age is just a number, right? I turned thirty at the weekend and, apart from happy and hungover, I must admit I didn't feel a thing. Despite this, I was probably asked about one million times how I felt about it, was I freaking out, did it seem strange, wasn't I getting on a bit now and more of the same.

I remember a friend of mine turnin thirty a couple of years ago and really struggling with it. I suppose it was this idea that there are certain things we think we should have achieved by a certain age, whether that's recognising our 'calling', finding 'true love', having X number of kids or a certain amount of money/property or whatever it is that you feel is important. And if we haven't achieved it by whatever arbitrary age/deadline we've set for ourselves, then we've failed. What a nice way to view life - a bit like school, but endless and without the weekends or holidays!

To have made a bunch of crazy mistakes - check.

To have survived said mistakes and feel stronger - check.

To have learned whatever a decade's-worth of self-knowledge might be, by a variety of methods - I'm hoping so, sure feels like it.

To have known real love and what it means to me (even though that might change over the decades of my life) - check, check, check!

To be excited about the coming decade - abso-fucking-lutely

To have no regrets - well, I've decided that's a big ol' cliche and a very bad song and I must admit that I've plenty of regrets. Ah well!

To have either a sense of direction (which can be temporary or winding orever-changing) or else be happy without one - I'm currently failing at this.

To be both satisfied with who I am and determined to become more who I wish to be - err, check. I think.

To maintain a sense of loving life even though it's shit sometimes - wholeheartedly check.

So, there we go - I found some goals I've failed to reach, and some I've successfully achieved. Marvellous! I guess that makes me well and truly thirty :)

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

Daily draw, 25th January 2012

Today I drew a card for a friend in need. Someone dear to my heart who felt she had lost her way. The card was The Star (I should point out that this was not one of those awesome moments where the cards deliver what you need the most, but that I chose it myself!)

The Star is the card of hope - of a light at the end of the tunnel, or shining in the darkness. It can be a guide, an inner light or a reminder of our own courage. It is a kind message from a friend that everything will be okay.

The Star also reminds us that we are part of a cycle of death and rebirth, or constant renewal of our selves. Letting parts of ourselves go - even parts such as fears and insecurities if we have been holding them for a long time - can be scary. Making changes in our lives can throw us into doubt as to who we are, what we are. The Star is a reminder that we are wise and brave and on the right track.

It's such a simple, loving card that I'm struggling to find much to write about it! It seems to speak for itself. I hope it speaks to my friend when I send her this little light and lets her know that she is not alone, and she is amazing, and she is growing, and she is gonna be just fine.

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

Daily draw - 6th January 2012

I'm stuck at wet, windy Bradford Interchange awaiting the last train home after a cheery dinner and hot ginger wine at a good friend's. What to do with my 35 damp minutes' wait? Why, pick a card, of course!

Today's is the troublesome Nine of Swords. I find this one of tarot's most upsetting cards to see, because it looks so very bleak, and also so familiar. Only the most comfortable (and somnolent) would fail to recognise the feeling of despair conveyed by this image of a person (or kitty-cat, as shown here) sat alone and in darkness, head in hands, tormented by thoughts which keep them awake whilst the rest of the world sleeps soundly.

The nine terrifying swords suspended on the wall beside her illustrate the weight with which our deepest fears, insecurites, guilt and pain can bear down upon us. The figure on this card is suffering, and can't find a way out. If you've ever sat up like this, unable to sleep and plagued by unpleasant thoughts, you'll be familiar with the sense of frustration and entrapment it brings. You watch the minutes tick by and, although you grow increasingly exhausted, the possiblilty of escape, of sleep, seems to grow dimmer.

It's such a crazy feeling, that insomniac worrying, because alone like this in the middle of the night, these fears are coming only from within ourselves. And this is the key with the Nine of Swords. It's about mental self-torture. There's no-one standing above us, threatening us with those swords or plunging them into our hearts. We suspend them above us with our own minds. In Seventy Eight Degrees of Wisdom, Rachel Pollack writes that 'in the card's deepest sense it shows a mind that takes on itself all the sorrows of the world.'

What do you do when you're feeling like this? When the mind gets to torturing itself like this it's very very hard to break free. Camomile tea and distraction by counting sheep can only go so far. My personal reaction to this card is that there is encouragement to confront whatever is bothering us. Suffering like this, alone, in the dark, is no way to live. Perhaps the Nine of Swords is there to reflect our secret pain back to us and shock us into taking action to tackle the issues that are wearing us out.

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

I lay in bed this morning, reading yesterday's paper. As there are none on new year's day, I'd bought Saturday's and saved it. But reading it felt kinda wrong. The news was all round-ups of 2011. The magazine was filled with fashion ideas for 'tonight'. There seemed something so very silly about waking up on the dawn of a new year and reading...yesterday's news. Last year's news. Well, I thought, making a cup of tea and returning to my duvet, it doesn't affect my inability to complete the crossword, so who really cares?

I'm capable of making a big deal out of new year. I'm one of those list-making, resolutioning, clean-sheet loving people who likes to experience a sense of liberation and hope as she moves from one year into the next. I'm sure it'll wear off eventually, but it is nice to have this symbolic date where we might all choose to feel we can put the mistakes of the last twelve months behind us and look forward to those new and shiny ones. A Judgement or an exciting Ace, or perhaps a Six of Swords or an Eight of Cups if that's what's needed.

So after a rainy day of fires and knitting and walking and brandy, let's do a short, simple reading. Nothing major, just asking for a message or a little internal light for the new year. I've not read for myself for a long time, and today feels like a good time for looking ahead.

I'd brought three decks with me to this tiny Welsh hideaway. The Wolf Pack is simply not tarot - not for me, anyway. The Secret Tarot - well, we have yet to bond, though I'm so far enjoying my explorations into its semi-baroque, semi-steampunk, semi-naked mysteries. That leaves the Tarot of the Magical Forest. My cute little heartstring-tugging fluffy big-eyed BFF of a deck; a deck that could only ever tell me lovely things, gentle things. That'll do nicely.

I used a spread from the accompanying little white book:

1. Roots - what has brought you here
2. Trunk - the direction in which you are growing
3. Leaves - resources you are using
4. Dead leaves - things you are letting go of
5. Branches - the summary of the reading

1. Roots - what has brought you here - Knave of Chalices - "understanding sensitivity", says the book. This fellow is a student of his own emotions, one with a heart that, like his cup, is waiting to be filled. I can relate to a cad that brings me to new year with an eagerness to know myself emotionally, to be sensitive to the needs of my heart and the hearts of others.

2. Trunk - the direction in which you are growing - Six of Chalices - "scruples and indecision cause inertness". Oh. I like the interpretation of this card, I'm just not too happy to see it here! Is this the direction I'm heading? Emotional inertia, inability to move my heart forwards? Sometimes I wonder..

3. Leaves - resources you are using - The Devil - I'm a believer in the idea that there is no inherently bad tarot card, but that each contain good and bad within them...still, it's hard to see how I might use The Devil's energies favourably. Am I one of his poodles, chained to his post, unmoving, unblinking? Or am I Black Basilisk himself, standing high, bony wings ourstretched? Is bondage my favourable condition? Must I feel or exert a power like The Devil's?

4. Dead leaves - things you are letting go of - Judgement. Am I to let go of the feelings of rebirth and reinvention that I treasure?

5. Branches - summary - Queen of Pentacles - "feel responsibility". Wow. So to conclude, the summary of this reading is a character who is maternal, loving, nurturing, a provider. Someone who'll make you a nice hot dinner and give you a hug and make you feel warm and safe and like everything's going to be okay. An admirable card and a character I much admire, but not particularly someone I'm seeking to be right now. So is she me? Future me? Or somoeone who's going to be coming into my life?

I feel pretty strongly that she illustrates the person I'm gonna turn into if I carry on my path. And I could do worse, I know. The Queen of Pentacles is awesome. But I feel that this reading is setting me up for a year of emotional stagnation, telling me my dreams will come to nothing and that I will stay put, not challenging myself, not developing myself.

I pinch myself and remind myself that I don't believe in fortune telling. What is my reaction to these cards? Disappointment. I don't want to stagnate! I don't want inertia, bondage or indecision. The idea that I might be heading in this direction scares me...and rings true. Rings a tiny little bell at the back-bottom of my mind. Those little bunnies and foxes and lambs - well, they've given me some food for thought.

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

Now here's an interesting website - Annikin Divination Systems, run by Ann Murkett. Actually it's a pair of websites comprising mytarotspreads.com and mydivination.com. I only discovered them today (thanks Dolores!) so I've not delved around properly yet, but what I've used so far I'm really liking.

Firstly, there's a very useful spread library on the 'my spreads' site. And if you're into creating your own spreads, there's a nice tool to make them look all neat and computery, and you also end up with a URL link you can put on your blogs or wherever so that you can share it with people. There's also the option of sharing it openly on the website for all to see and use. Neat!

Another thing you can do here is explore a large number of decks, and get free readings using unpublished decks which exist only on the web. I personally really really really dislike computer generated readings, but I couldn't resist the opportunity to have a reading with Dolores Fitchie's wonderful deck (which I hear may be finally published this year...). You can also find out more about runes and rune reading if that's your bag.

It needs some tweaking - the site is not what you'd call beautiful, and you're supposed to be able to make 'friends' on it, but you can't view anyone's profile, which is a shame when like me you don't really know anyone in the tarot world and opportunities to find interesting people like this are very welcome.

So have a little visit and a little poke around! It's a weird one, but they do say there's a new incarnation of the whole site coming mid-January. Looking forward to seeing it, and in the meantime, uploading all of my spreads!

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

Daily draw - 27th December 2011

Ooh, that Secret Tarot. Always messing with my head. Today, I drew car number six - The Lovers. Except it's not The Lovers, its The Lover, and there's one guy, apparently trying to pick between a panty-flashing read-headed hussy and a demure woman in a long blue dress (who seems to be secretly giving him the Vs?)  Both women stand at the entrance to a different stone pathway, indicating that he is not only chosing a partner/bedfellow, but an entire path in life. My money's on Ginger.

What does it all mean? I'd previously interpreted this as a card about bringing together opposing parts of oneself, creating a harmonious union between our yin and our yang, creating a whole from two (or more) seperate elements. Yes, it speaks of love, marriage and all that jazz, but for me it's more about the strength of union - any sort of union. But the more I study this card, the more whisperings of 'choice' bob to the surface of my memory. A quick check of the little white book gives me this: 'Trial, exam, choice in emotional matters, need for a decision.' Hmm!

Aeclectic Tarot is helpful.

New readers often ask, "What is the Lovers' card about? Is it about finding love?" Yes, and no. It is possible that the original name of this card was "Love." The oldest decks call it "The amorous one," The Lovers being a mistranslation. So really, it's about one person being "in love" with someone or something.

In interpretation, the card indicates that the querent has come across, or will come across a person, career, challenge or thing (a puppy, a car, a house) that they will fall in love with. They will know instinctively that it was meant for them, even if it means diverging from their chosen path (that is the "Love" part). On the other hand, their common sense must also make a decision on whether or not to go along with this psychic "choice." There is often a measure of hardship or cost that comes with giving into this spiritual attraction.

That certainly seems to be what's happening here. This poor hapless lad, what a difficult decision stands before him! Does he keep his family's honour and choose the 'lady', who will surely bear him a fine son, or the prostitute who will show him a good time, but in doing so, will surely ruin him?

It's hard to put aside annoyance at the whole virgin/whore dichotomy that's reared it's head here - indeed, I'm thinking it's enough to put me off the deck. Why is it always the male making an active choice in this card? BUT I'll ignore it for now because I'm trying to write about one of the archetypal ideas in tarot and it's fucking annoying when boring, overused heteronormative sexism crops up yet again and spoils the flow. Bleh.

So yeah. What we need is a different image. Here's one I really love:

For me, this image fulfills many of the card's various meanings. On the one hand, there are two people who could be lovers. Next, their bodies part-merge like a beautiful venn diagram, indicating the union of two different (opposite) parts, but not entirely - each retains individuality whilst also merging part with the other. Then there's the specific merging of their brains, representing consciousness - a conscious decision or 'pshychic "choice"' as Aeclectic says. Finally, the two figures are facing away from each other, suggesting to me that their union may well have thrown them off the path they were previously travelling on.

I love this idea that The Lovers can indicate something that you'll instinctively know was meant for you, something that you fall in love with. The first thing that springs to my mind is a vocation - many of us have experienced that turning point, where we try out something new after years of working the same job, to realise that it's all or nothing and we must quit our current position and turn our hand to a new craft. I just went to make a coffee and a stranger in my kitchen told me his story - he'd been a financial ombudsman in London and jacked it all in to follow his calling running a youth hostel in Oban, Scotland. Yowzer.

There's another element to this card that I'd better bring in too, and that is this idea of this choice being about connecting ourselves with a higher power. In the Waite-Smith tarot (and in many other decks) there's a man looking over at a woman, whilst she is gazing up at an angel. So in choosing to love and commit to her, the man is also making a commitment to his 'higher self', and choosing a righteous spiritual path.

As someone who has dubious feelings about marriage, this begs reinterpretation. For me, then, this choice is about recognising what we need, deep within ourselves, and being unafraid to make that decision, even though the road may be rocky at first. Like the tarot as a whole, it's about being true to ourselves. So whether it's fast-love or life-partner, marriage or not, desk job or youth hostel, this card encourages us to make a decision about what's right for US.

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

Daily draw - 26/27th December 2011

Before I went to bed last night, decided to let the Wolf Pack decide exactly what I would do first thing in the morning. Here's what I drew:

16 – Friends  A friend is about to play an important role in your life. Nurture this friendship. A new friendship is coming your way. Job offer may come from a good friend. A trip with a friend may be planned.

I opened my computer and lo! An email from a distant friend. Or rather, not so much a distant friend as one from whom I've been distanced by circumstances, for several years. We've been inching closer to a reunion for several months now, so I got stuck in and suggested some meeting places. Hurrah!

One of my resolutions this year is to truly nurture all of my friendships. Anyone who’s stuck with me to this grand age (I turn 30 in January) deserves to feel that I highly value their friendship and that I am willing put put in as much as I recieve...although in some cases I wonder just how that could be possible. So in this lagging, rainy period between Christmas and new year I'll fetch the typewriter and some pretty paper and begin to let my friends know how much I love them and how much they make me happy.

My housemate is about to turn 50. He's thinking on similar lines, but has a wondeful idea. Rather than holding one big party where it's only possible to have superficial conversations with a large number of people, he's dedicating his 50th year to visiting each of his dear friends, taking gifts to them rather than recieving, collecting stories and memories and whatever else to create a book, a record, an album or some other record of this stage of his life and the wonderful people that make it worthwhile. What a beautiful idea.

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

I felt the need to share this picture of a beautiful Christmas present I received, from someone who had previously never used a sewing machine. I think it's rather wonderful :)

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

Daily draw - 23rd December 2011

Having received the intriguing Secret Tarot by Marco Nizzoli as a present this morning, and being unable to sleep tonight, I crept quietly to my desk and drew a card at random by candlelight. It was the Three of Swords.

We're still with the theme of heartbreak and sorrow - in this deck, the suit of swords pertains to 'the kingdom of sorrow' - but the image here is more empowering. The Waite-Smith image shows little but this huge red heart, whereas here the focus is on 'where next?' Our horserider has clearly been in the wars, has experienced deep pain, betrayal and loss. Her battle-flag, bearing the three swords, is torn and ragged. In the deep snow all around her we can see the bones of those who have been overcome by the bleakness of their sorrow and have never found the strength to return. But our brave soldier looks to the future and knows there's hope there, despite the wounds she still carries.

When faced with the Waite Smith Three of Swords, it's hard not to gasp. Beautiful in it's three-toned symmetry, it's hard to see anything here but the bright red heart, the cruel swords and the miserable rain.

Permalink | Leave a comment  »